The Things I Learn From Hanging Out at the Oasis

I decided not to write at the moment about any of the three topics I asked you to vote on because all of them dealt with very delicate subjects. However, I am not altogether discounting them; I am just merely putting them off. So, Dennis, Pare Ko and Johnny, don’t think you’re already in the clear. Anyway, I had a lil bit of time on my hands and I decided to write about camels because they’re just darn fascinating! (yeah right!) When the word “camel” is mentioned, the image that immediately comes to mind is that of a hump-backed, four-legged, large-nosed animal that is often seen anywhere where there is sand. That is, however, just the tip of the iceberg. There is more to camels than meets the eye.

This is the Grand Camel or the GC (cool name, eh?!). Other camels seem puny in the presence of the GC. Other camels defer to the GC and sometimes refer to him as the Alpha Male, the Big Dog (although Big Camel seems more appropriate; but who knows what goes on in the mind of these dumb creatures) and the King. This camel is known for its sexual prowess, which is reminiscent of Angelo the Suki and Dennis the Baker’s memorable performance in the epic movie Azys: The Oasis of Love wherein they showed their expertise in teasing the ladies. Lando the Farmer also made a cameo appearance in the said movie which earned him a nomination in the film awards. The GC is also feared because it can drink from sunup till sundown without even batting an eyelash (sounds like some people I know. tsk tsk tsk!)

This is what an ordinary camel or OC looks like after trying to keep up with the Grand Camel in terms of drinking. Notice the foamy mouth and the glazed look? No! That is not the look of a camel who’s feeling the aftereffects of hearing the intoxicating Arabian love song "Rafiqi" (Arabic for Pare Ko). That is what you’ll get if you deem yourself good enough to compete with the GC. Notwithstanding its shortcomings, the ordinary camel is still respected in the camel community because of its ability to get along with other camels and and its funny antics.

This is a camel-in-training or CIT. This kind of camel cannot keep up with the GC or any of the ordinary camels, and you would often find it doing the so-called fergalicious move whenever they meet in an oasis. Not many CITs turn out to be an ordinary camel because of lack of willingness and sometimes a lack of drinking ability. But they have the exceptional ability of being able to sleep anywhere, be it in a restaurant bathroom, or while sitting on an inn's rooftop.

The kikay camels. They never go out of the desert shade without putting on dozens of accessories. They also make it a point to curl their eyelashes and shave their moustaches daily. Some of them seem to like the color pink a lot. Most of them idolize Joe and several Korean camels. They love rain. And they also love black. But do not be misled by their girlish demeanor. These camels can kick ass and can take on an ordinary camel any time. These are bad ass camels. In certain cultures, they are referred to as Johnny Bravo camels for reasons which escape me.

This is the rico-suave camel who goes by the name Joe. Most teenage male camels idolize Joe and the female camels go gaga over him. He loves black. But nobody knows that in reality he's gay. Ugly camels hate Joe.

This is the baddest camel in town. Other camels love to suck on the smoky teat (read: tit, when used informally) of this bad boy.

Here are a couple of excerpts from the movie Azys: The Oasis of Love